Is the Stress too much?

I don't like to write about negative things but I think the stress is finally getting to me. It's not just one thing, it's everything together. Each child has contributed to my stress in the last few weeks. The children are not really to blame, it's really the way I deal with the situations that come up. We will start with the littlest person in our home.

Flower is the baby that doesn't sleep through the night. I can probably tell what you're thinking - get up and put a pacifier in? Oh no, she doesn't take a pacifier she either wants to be held or she wants a bottle. We make sure she has a full belly at bedtime but she still wakes up every 3 to 4 hours and stays up for about 20 minutes to a half hour. So it's not just disturbed sleep, it's get up, stay up until you're wide awake then try to go back to sleep so you can work in the morning. The only thing she responds to is patting her bucket harder than she should like it. I'm really wondering if she was a drug baby. I know some of the drugs babies, that I've come in contact with, like more physical stimulation when trying to calming down. If you pat her bucket she usually goes back to sleep. At least she can't get out of her bed like Sugar Ray does.

Sugar Ray stays asleep but he has a heck of a time getting to sleep. I bet I had to go upstairs five times last night to put him back in his bed. I've tried to be comforting but kneeling down by his bed and rubbing his back until I thought he was asleep but it never fails - as soon as I get back downstairs he's back, at his gated doorway, crying. I have also tried getting upset with him and that doesn't work either. It wasn't any better when he was sharing a room with Ike. We had to move Sugar Ray to a room of his own because of what we found out at Ike's school meeting.

Earlier in the week Ike had another bad day at school so I decided to meet with his teacher for about five minutes to let Ike see that I talk to his teacher and his teacher talks to me. His teacher, Ms. Sped and I have been using a communication book so I know exactly what is happening at school. We made a deal with Ike that if he is a good boy at school he will receive a quarter when he gets home. Well, earlier in the week Ms Sped wrote down things that Ike was doing and it wasn't good. Ike starting yelling at her that I was going to see it and that Ms Sped doesn't ever write anything good. She tried to explain that what goes into the book is only things he does and he can control what he does. The therapist called DH at home to ask for a meeting in the near future but when I called her back I couldn't get a hold of her. So anyway, I wanted to meet with him and the teacher together so he knew we were on the same page. By the time I got to school the asst. vice principle and the therapist were also involved. We met for about a half hour without Ike in the room and brain stormed to get ideas to help him with his anger problem. By the way, we have not seen any anger issues at home. I also found out some things we were unaware of like this has been going on longer than just this school year. The therapist also told me that he had bad anger issues at his mothers home too. He actually tried to kill his little sister. Keep in mind Ike is only six years old.

When I got home, I told DH what I had learned and we decided immediately to move Sugar to another room. If Ike was to get upset with Sugar for not going to sleep he could try the same thing with him as he did with his sister. If he did that we wouldn't have a clue until morning. Scary stuff. We also called Linda at the agency to let them know that maybe this is more than we can handle.

Linda was totally unaware of the past actions of Ike and she actually thought he should be in a household without other children. We are not going to do anything drastic yet but he will receive counseling/therapy starting next week. I really hope we can solve his anger issues. I'm thinking between not getting a good nights sleep and the stress of his actions at school it's really getting to me and DH.

Princess's teacher told DH today that she thinks that the stress of these kids is too much for me. I'm wondering if I look that bad? He told me she has noticed that I look run down. It could also be that when I thought I was going to only have a five minutes meeting with Ike's teacher that turned into a half hour meeting, I forgot to pick up Princess from school. I was a half hour late and boy did I feel like a bad mom. How could I forget my own daughter? Then to top it off I forgot their parental visit the next day! They still made it to their visit but they were a hour late. I'm sure I will hear a comment from the anti-foster parent woman but if I were her I wouldn't bother.

Speaking of visits, we started the visits with Flower's other parent at the county facility. DH stayed with her though the visit and it went well. The parent held her the whole time. DH told me there is a good bound there. So far, the other kids are not included in that visit.

Little Prince is being a normal three year old brother. He copies everything Sugar does, good and bad. Sugar will do something that I will then tell him not to do and LP will turn right around and do it himself. LP has also had accidents in his big boy underwear for the last three days. I think that happened because he sees Sugar do it in his diaper. I'm hoping that Sugar will copy LP and be interested in potty training soon. Boy, he can make a diaper stink!

Princess still has to be reminded to go potty but she is doing better. She really has been a very good girl. She's doing well in school. She can trace her name and write two of the letters without tracing. We are so proud of her. She can dress herself but sometimes she puts her shirt on backwards and her shoes on the wrong feet but she has come along way. She laughs a lot and is very happy most of the time.

All in all, I guess it's not so bad. We just have to adjust to having five young kids in the house.

Not a big happy family yet.

I have to say, last year at this time, we never dreamed we would have six kids in the house or even be in this house. We have been staying very busy. I realized today, that if I didn't have to "police" the children all day, I could get a lot more done.

Today was nice enough for them to play outside. They play pretty well together when they want to. However, Ike and Tink are really good at excluding Little Prince. He so wants to play with them and be around them. When I took them for their parental visit, the other day, Little Prince didn't want me to leave them (especially Tink). He also wants to be sure he says good-night to Tink. I really don't know why because she sure isn't nice to him. She takes his toys away while he's playing with them and she yells at him a lot. It could have something to do with her past experiences. The day after they came, she told him she was going to be the mom and he was going to be her baby, then she proceeded to shake her finger at him and say "I don't care about you". Where do you think she could have heard that? Isn't that sad. I wonder, if Ike wasn't here, would she be any different.

Ike and Tink were suppose to be going to their fathers but after court the other day I found out it isn't going to happen for some time. I'm not sure what's going on but I have a feeling they are going to be here for awhile.

It seems like everything is fine until they have been to a parental visit. The first visit neither Tink or Ike wanted to see their mom. They told me, after I picked up Ike from school, they just wanted to go back to my house and play. Now, after the visit they were glad to have seen mom. Today after their visit, all of them were doing some serious crying. Tink was crying because she didn't want to say goodbye to mom, Ike was crying because he didn't get ice cream, I think Sugar Ray was crying because he was tired and Flower was wet. After we got back to the house, they played outside and the two older ones were back to excluding LP. I think Ike is getting the idea that it's not just a sleep over anymore. I wonder if that has something to do with his attitude after the visits.

I did have to switch Tink's and Ike's rooms around. We haven't been able to get Sugar Ray to sleep without a major melt down on his part. At first, we had him in a crib in his own room. He would scream like crazy. By the third night he figured out how to get out of the crib. I told DH we can't keep putting him in the crib if he's going to climb out - I'm afraid of a head injury! So DH and I desided to let him lay in bed with Ike until he would fall asleep. I gave him about an hour before I went in to get him. I wish I could have taken a picture of the two of them, they were all inter-twined. There was no way I was going to get him out of bed without waking him up. So the next night we decided to change Ike to a room with two twin beds (Tink's room) so Sugar Ray could sleep in the same room without sleeping in the same bed. Now if he would only stay in his own bed, we would get some rest at night.

All in all, everything is going fine. We are still having trouble with lying but we are hopeing that will resolve it's self when Tink and Ike learn they can trust us. Sugar Ray is still hitting the other kids and the dogs but not as often. I'm sure things could be worse and I'm glad they aren't. Who knows what will happen in the next few weeks.

Wow, now there's six!

Our household grew! We took in a sibling group of four on Thursday. They range from under one year to almost seven years. Two boys and two girls.

The girl is close to Princess's age but doesn't seem to give her the time of day. We will call her Tink, after Tinkerbell. She is definitely under weight and so is the oldest boy. Tink is four years old but even 3T cloths are too big. They didn't come with much in the way of cloths so I have been dressing Tink in the cloths Princess grew out of. I haven't seen it but DH tells me that Tink is sweet when she knows we are watching. She feels quite comfortable in our home, enough to tell me that she wants to stay and not visit with her mom. Tink has an older brother that we will call Ike.

Ike seems like to be a good boy but has issues. He has ADD and is on medicine but I'm wondering if he's received it like he is suppose to. The first evening he was in our home, he was a wild man. I didn't know how we were going to handle him but the next day was a little better and the weekend was even better. He's also under weight and doesn't eat a lot at one time. I also think he has trust issues. I have caught Ike lying about the same thing, several times. He doesn't know I know that it's not true but if it continues I will have to have the truth come out. He's kind of stand offish but I'm guessing he just doesn't feel comfortable yet. Ike has a little brother that we will call Sugar Ray.

Sugar Ray likes to hit anything and everyone. The second day we had them, I bet he stood in the corner at least five times for hitting one of the kids. When he doesn't get his way, he drops to the floor and starts screaming. He's starting to warm up to us. I asked him for a kiss and after about 3 times asking he gave me a little one. He does want me to pick him up and he will snuggle with me when he gets tired but I'm sure he misses his mommy. Sugar Ray has a little sister that we will call Flower.

Flower looks so sweet but is full of it. She's the baby but she has a temper just like just like her older brother. She really seems to have problems going to sleep at night. I've tried holding her but she wakes up as soon as I lay her down. She doesn't just wake up, she screams. She's definitely more advanced than the twins we had. Flower is quite mobile. It's quite a feat to get her dressed or change her diaper. I tried to give her a bath, the first night, in the baby tub but she wouldn't stay in it long enough. Last night I held her in the regular tub. Flower can roll over and start crawling before you even realize she's moved. She pulls herself up to stand and investigates everything she can touch. She's a stinker but cute.