Time flies but not all fun

A lot has happened in the last year. Probably the biggest one was Little Prince and Princess have our last name now. Although Little Prince doesn't know that he ever had a different last name and Princess wouldn't comprehend it. We kept their original first names but changed their middle names. In fact, Little Prince picked his own middle name from his favorite movie. I'm still nervous about posting true names and pictures. At least until we are not doing foster care anymore.

Now for updates with foster children. Kaykay "left" our house three hours before she turned 18 (beginning of 2011). It was a big mistake on her part. Because she left foster care before 18, she lost her medicaid and any college money she would have had. But she also lost the support she was getting by staying with us. I will always hope it wasn't planned on her part but I will never be sure of it.

October 2010 we took in two familiar faces. The placement was two little girls that we had for respit when we first got our license. For the blog, I named them "Cuddly" and "Curly". They were two years older then when we first met them and had way different personalities from each other. Cuddly wasn't very huggable anymore. She had picked up bad habits such as lying. Curly was better in some aspects but we could tell she was going to need a lot of therapy (which I'm sure she has not received). The girls stayed with us for about four months. They had been in foster care for almost two years before they were returned to their parents. I know you are probably thinking happy thoughts but believe me their parental rights should have been terminated along time ago. The parents didn't do one thing that the court had ordered them to do to be able to get those girls back. I just don't understand what happened with that case. I often wonder how the girls are doing.

It was a few months later before we got anymore calls. The next placements we took in were two sisters. The oldest turned four with days of coming to us. She was super smart and knew it. Her and Little Prince got along like "peas in a pod". She could be a little stinker but we very much enjoyed her. She really missed her parents and that's what made it harder on her than the other kids we had. For privacy reasons we will call her Queenie. Luckily for Queenie, and us, we were able to call her mother every night so she could say "good-night". Queenie was a beautiful little girl with long blond hair and blue eyes. She acted a lot older than she was because I think she was the one who took care of her mother instead of the other way around. Queenie's little sister was the first medically fragile, physically handicapped child we have ever had. We'll call her Anne.

Anne was two years younger than Queenie and had Cerebral Palsy. Anne also had a feeding tube and had to be fed every four hours. This next bit of information is something that could discourage future foster parents, but please don't let it. Everything works out. The afternoon I got the call I picked the girls up from DCS mid-afternoon. They told me that Anne needed to be fed through her feeding tube and they had formula from her home. The mother was in no shape to explain how to feed her. Including how much or how often. I figured it was no big deal, I would call the doctor when I got home. Well, I could not get a hold of "her" doctor or anyone else to tell me how to take care of her. I called everyone I knew from nurses to friends. No one had an answer. I even talked to a doctor on call for her doctor, he "couldn't" tell me because he didn't have the chart in front of him. Finally, I found a number on the an invoice that came with the feeding bags. The answering service got a hold of the person on call and she walked me threw it. All I can say is "don't give up". Anne did not have any body weight to lose and she hadn't eaten since 3pm that afternoon. Everything turned out OK.

Shortly after Queenie and Anne came to us we left for a family vacation. We couldn't take them because there wasn't time to get a court approval and we wouldn't have been able to care for Anne the way she need to be cared for. Thank goodness, our good friend was able to take the girls in and care for them while we were gone. It didn't go off without a hitch though. Hours after we left, Anne got sick and ended up at the hospital. It wasn't a good situation for our friend. The foster agency wasn't a big help either. Everything turned out fine within two days. I was very thankful for having a friend I could count on (I still count on her). After we returned from vacation I had to set up therapy for Anne. She received Speech, Physical and Occupational therapy every week. Each therapy was done by a different person, on a different day. I am glad for the experience but it was not an experience I would want to repeat. Queenie and Anne were with us for a little over a month but looking back, it seemed like longer. They made quite an impact on our lives. We are very thankful we have healthy children. The girls went back to their parents for about two weeks and last I heard they were with their grandma.

Two weeks after the girls left we received a call about three sisters. The youngest was six and the oldest sixteen. The middle girl was barely a teenager. The two youngest ones were removed from the home because of an issue the oldest one had with one of the parents. So needless to say, the middle child, "Tiara", did not speak to her older sister, "JoLo" unless it was necessary. In fact, Tiara only talked to anyone when it was necessary. However, she was very good at taking care of "the little one". It was apparent that she was used to getting her sister up and ready for school every morning. Tiara and the little one were only with us for about two weeks before they were returned to their mother. JoLo stayed.

JoLo is very different than KayKay. JoLo talks a lot and isn't afraid to share her feelings. She spends time in her room but also spends time with the family. She treats Princess and Little Prince as if they are her little sister and brother. She is responsible but it's also apparent she has been sheltered from others. It is alleged that one of her parents did unspeakable things to her for the last four years so keeping her sheltered kept her from talking about it and telling others. I say "alleged" because the parent has not been charged with any crime. I believe JoLo with be with us until she ages out or she is moved to a relatives home. Either way she will be happy.

Another foster parent aggravation; JoLo did not start therapy for over four months after she was removed. In this parents opinion, she will need therapy for years.

Is the Stress too much?

I don't like to write about negative things but I think the stress is finally getting to me. It's not just one thing, it's everything together. Each child has contributed to my stress in the last few weeks. The children are not really to blame, it's really the way I deal with the situations that come up. We will start with the littlest person in our home.

Flower is the baby that doesn't sleep through the night. I can probably tell what you're thinking - get up and put a pacifier in? Oh no, she doesn't take a pacifier she either wants to be held or she wants a bottle. We make sure she has a full belly at bedtime but she still wakes up every 3 to 4 hours and stays up for about 20 minutes to a half hour. So it's not just disturbed sleep, it's get up, stay up until you're wide awake then try to go back to sleep so you can work in the morning. The only thing she responds to is patting her bucket harder than she should like it. I'm really wondering if she was a drug baby. I know some of the drugs babies, that I've come in contact with, like more physical stimulation when trying to calming down. If you pat her bucket she usually goes back to sleep. At least she can't get out of her bed like Sugar Ray does.

Sugar Ray stays asleep but he has a heck of a time getting to sleep. I bet I had to go upstairs five times last night to put him back in his bed. I've tried to be comforting but kneeling down by his bed and rubbing his back until I thought he was asleep but it never fails - as soon as I get back downstairs he's back, at his gated doorway, crying. I have also tried getting upset with him and that doesn't work either. It wasn't any better when he was sharing a room with Ike. We had to move Sugar Ray to a room of his own because of what we found out at Ike's school meeting.

Earlier in the week Ike had another bad day at school so I decided to meet with his teacher for about five minutes to let Ike see that I talk to his teacher and his teacher talks to me. His teacher, Ms. Sped and I have been using a communication book so I know exactly what is happening at school. We made a deal with Ike that if he is a good boy at school he will receive a quarter when he gets home. Well, earlier in the week Ms Sped wrote down things that Ike was doing and it wasn't good. Ike starting yelling at her that I was going to see it and that Ms Sped doesn't ever write anything good. She tried to explain that what goes into the book is only things he does and he can control what he does. The therapist called DH at home to ask for a meeting in the near future but when I called her back I couldn't get a hold of her. So anyway, I wanted to meet with him and the teacher together so he knew we were on the same page. By the time I got to school the asst. vice principle and the therapist were also involved. We met for about a half hour without Ike in the room and brain stormed to get ideas to help him with his anger problem. By the way, we have not seen any anger issues at home. I also found out some things we were unaware of like this has been going on longer than just this school year. The therapist also told me that he had bad anger issues at his mothers home too. He actually tried to kill his little sister. Keep in mind Ike is only six years old.

When I got home, I told DH what I had learned and we decided immediately to move Sugar to another room. If Ike was to get upset with Sugar for not going to sleep he could try the same thing with him as he did with his sister. If he did that we wouldn't have a clue until morning. Scary stuff. We also called Linda at the agency to let them know that maybe this is more than we can handle.

Linda was totally unaware of the past actions of Ike and she actually thought he should be in a household without other children. We are not going to do anything drastic yet but he will receive counseling/therapy starting next week. I really hope we can solve his anger issues. I'm thinking between not getting a good nights sleep and the stress of his actions at school it's really getting to me and DH.

Princess's teacher told DH today that she thinks that the stress of these kids is too much for me. I'm wondering if I look that bad? He told me she has noticed that I look run down. It could also be that when I thought I was going to only have a five minutes meeting with Ike's teacher that turned into a half hour meeting, I forgot to pick up Princess from school. I was a half hour late and boy did I feel like a bad mom. How could I forget my own daughter? Then to top it off I forgot their parental visit the next day! They still made it to their visit but they were a hour late. I'm sure I will hear a comment from the anti-foster parent woman but if I were her I wouldn't bother.

Speaking of visits, we started the visits with Flower's other parent at the county facility. DH stayed with her though the visit and it went well. The parent held her the whole time. DH told me there is a good bound there. So far, the other kids are not included in that visit.

Little Prince is being a normal three year old brother. He copies everything Sugar does, good and bad. Sugar will do something that I will then tell him not to do and LP will turn right around and do it himself. LP has also had accidents in his big boy underwear for the last three days. I think that happened because he sees Sugar do it in his diaper. I'm hoping that Sugar will copy LP and be interested in potty training soon. Boy, he can make a diaper stink!

Princess still has to be reminded to go potty but she is doing better. She really has been a very good girl. She's doing well in school. She can trace her name and write two of the letters without tracing. We are so proud of her. She can dress herself but sometimes she puts her shirt on backwards and her shoes on the wrong feet but she has come along way. She laughs a lot and is very happy most of the time.

All in all, I guess it's not so bad. We just have to adjust to having five young kids in the house.