Our first teenager

Kaykay has been with us for a month now. It's going a lot better than I was worried about. She spent a lot of time in her room the first week, which made me worry about getting to know her. If you can't talk to someone and they don't talk to you, how do you know what their needs are.

Kaykay really opened up after the first week. We talk a lot now. I actually think we are becoming pretty close. She told me about her family and I told her a little about mine. She has only been in foster care since she was fifteen, so about two years. For only being seventeen and what she's been through, she has pretty good goals. She wants to go the college and knows what she wants to do.

I told her I would do everything an adult has to do to get her into college but she has to do her part. I'm talking to the social worker about Kaykay staying in the foster program until she's twenty-one so she can go to college and not worry about a place to live, transportation and a job.

The only problem that we are having is her using her cell phone a lot and staying up too late. She gets up on her own in the morning for school, but is pretty tired when she gets home, but she still stays up. It hasn't really been a problem but I want to see her grades at the end of this session. We may have to restrict the time of the cell phone usage.

She has a boyfriend but that hasn't really been a problem either. Although I wish he would call before he shows up. I actually told Kaykay to suggest that to him so we can have the option of saying yes or no to his visit. He doesn't drive so he has to arrange someone to pick him up and I think he waits until he needs that ride before he thinks about it. Seems like a good kid though.

Gone but not Forgotten.

The "three" left in early July. Right before Ike's birthday. We knew it was going to happen soon but when I got the phone call from the caseworker it really hit me that they were leaving. I had become pretty attached to Ike and Flower. I actually got most of the kids stuff together the night before in preparation for the court decision. The Aunt called about a half hour later and we arranged for her and her husband to pick the kids up. They picked the kids up within 3 hours of us getting the call. I didn't tell the two little ones they were leaving but I did tell Ike. He was okay with it but I think he wanted to stay. He did however, decide to leave his bike and scooter here so he could have it when he visits. I think he just wanted to leave roots.

Their Aunt brought them back for a visit, the next week, and so we could give him his presents. DH gave him a race track and I gave him a Teddy bear I made at Build-a-Bear with a special voice recording just for him. He really liked both his gifts.

I've kept in contact with the Aunt. In fact, I talked with her the other day. She told me that Sugar Ray is having problems. He's not talking as clearly, he looks right through you, he won't or can't follow simple instructions, and he cries or whines when asked to do something. Anyone that has experience with Autism might recognize these signs. She is having him evaluated for Autism after speaking with a relative who's child has Autism. Even though Sugar Ray got on my nerves, it still breaks my heart to think of him as having Autism. There is no way that the mother will ever be able to take care of him, if that's the case. She has her own problems.

The mother is in rehab and may possibly get the kids back afterwards. Ike is not happy about that decision at all. I don't really blame him but maybe she will be okay after she gets help.

We have not seen the kids since that first visit. I wondering if we will ever see them again. We can only pray and hope for the best for those children. We both miss them and I think of them every day. I wonder if that's the way it's going to be with every child?

Soon to be three less

Some of you might think after the lice thing, I gave up. It's just that we've been so busy since the kids are out of school. We still have all five kids, for now.

We think the Ike, Sugar Ray and Flower will be leaving us soon. They are going to live with their great Aunt and Uncle. They are nice people and we think they will be happy there. The kids have been seeing their mom during the weekends that they are with their Aunt. Mom hasn't shown up for her visits during the week, for the past three weeks. I have a feeling they won't be going back with her. I'm hoping the mom will give the Aunt guardianship or even give up her parental rights.

I think Ike's father will give up his rights, Sugar's father is unknown and Flower's dad is going to be spending more time incarcerated than originally thought. I don't think there is any way he will get any of the kids after he gets out.

Flower had her 1st birthday last month. I made her a pretty little birthday dress and cupcakes. I was so impress with myself for the way the dress turned out. One of the neighbors knew I was looking for a dress, but instead of a dress she found a little tshirt that said "Birthday Girl" on it. I cut the bottom off the tshirt and sewed material on to make it into a cute little dress.

Ike's birthday is next week. DH wants to get him a race track and either give it to him early or take it to him next week. The Aunt said she would like us to continue to see the kids and we think it would be a good idea, at least for Ike's sake. He has become very attached to us. He told me the other day, he wishes I was his mommy. We have been snuggling in the evening, after the little ones go to bed and before his bedtime. We usually watch something on TV that we both pick out. He told me he never knew what snuggling was until he came to our house. I think that's so sad.

I hate to say it but I will probably not miss Sugar Ray. He gives me such a hard time. I know it's his age, but he cries every time I ask him to do something or even ask him if he wants to do something, like go outside. I don't think he even thinks about what I'm saying before he starts whining.

Flower used to scream like crazy but she has gotten so much better. We have got her off formula and only give her baby food occasionally. We mostly give her table food cut into little pieces. She still gets a bottle, but we give her milk instead of formula. I'm going to miss her most of all. If I had a choice, I would keep her.

Speaking of keeping, we got the good news that Princess' dad has signed off on Little Prince. We can go ahead towards adoption! We already have a lawyer that will handle all the paper work and the kid's caseworker is thrilled and is providing us the nessessary information. Little Prince has picked out a new middle name. We are changing Princesses spelling of her first name and adding DH's mother name for her middle name. I can't give the names yet but hopefully soon. Hopefully we don't run into any snags along the way.

Wrote but forgot to post!

As anyone who has read "Notes from Mickey" lately realizes, Princess hasn't said a word in several months. Yesterday, DH called me at work to tell me that Princess was in a really good mood and came up to him, in the kitchen, and said "Mama". DH told her "no, I'm daddy", she said mama again and he said "no, I'm daddy". Then she said "Mom!", he said "daddy", she said "MOM" quite clearly and forcefully and then ran off laughing. This is exciting! I told him I didn't even think she thinks about me but then he reminded me, we don't know what she thinks. I wish I heard her say words but hopefully it will come eventually. She did say "yum" the other day after I gave her a cookie, but I thought it was more of a sound than a word.

We have been working on Ike's behavior at school. He has never acted out at home but he has rotten school days. He got suspended again last week and he had only been there for 10 minutes! I actually think it was wrong for them to send him home. He doesn't hurt anyone but he does knock thing off tables or knock chairs over. Anyway, they called me at work to tell me we need to pick him up. I had to call DH who was on his way to take Princess to school. Like I said, he had dropped Ike off about 10 minutes before that. It took him about 30 minutes to get back to pick up Ike. Ike spent most of the rest of the day in his room. I don't know why he had so much anger. He's only six. He had another bad day on Wednesday of this week but he at least was able to stay in school. They called me to let me know and I told them they could not keep sending him home. I didn't tell them but he has a right to an education and this school is suppose to specialize in behavior problems like ADHD. Right after school he had therapy. The therapist started a behavior chart which has worked for the last two days. He has to get 4 stickers in a week to get a prize. He gets a sticker for each "happy face" and each "okay face" he receives. He is graded in the morning and the afternoon. Thursday he received a one of each and Friday he received two stickers. It's only been two days and he was received four stickers already!

L*I*C*E

As you can tell by the title, one of my worst fears have come true. When we first start the foster care process, I feared having head lice come into our home. Well, it happened last Thursday.

I dropped three of the children for a parental visitation and within five minutes, the worker who was supervising the visit, called to tell me they found lice on Sugar Ray's head. GROSS! The mom wanted me to shave his head but she did it before I picked him up. I immediately checked Princess and Little Prince's heads. I didn't find anything but then I didn't know what I was looking for. I called my sister in hopes she could tell me what to do. She told me what to look for but I still didn't find anything on their heads. After I picked the kids up, we stopped at a pharmacy to get RID or something like it. I talked to the Pharmacist first and was told I shouldn't use anything like that with the younger children and that I should contact their doctor. I got lucky and was able to talk to their Pediatrician. He suggested using olive oil over night and then call if I found anything in the morning. I double checked all heads when I got home. I didn't have to worry about Sugar Ray because he no longer had hair but I checked the baby and Ike's. I didn't find anything. I rechecked the other two but noticed nothing unusual. I gave Little Prince and Ike hair cuts.

Ike's hair was already short so I just trimmed it. Little Prince lost quite a bit along the sides and the back. I left quite a bit of length on the top. I washed all the bedding in hot water and put all the stuff animals away. I thought we were safe - until the next morning.

Before my day even began, I woke up early with a migraine. I ended up calling in to work. My day just got worse from there. First I gave everyone a bath and checked heads again. I check LP's first. I found two live ones! I immediately put Olive Oil on LP's head and wrapped it in glad wrap. I also soaked my hair with Olive Oil. I had been itching but I was hoping it was psychological. I washed all the bedding again. I left the oil on my head all day but I washed LPs out after about two hours. I then took him outside and told him I was going to cut his hair like daddy's. He liked that idea. I cut it pretty short on the sides and left about 3/4 of a inch on the top. It looks really cute, kind of like the kid on the movie "Jerry McGuire". Later, I was looking at my head in the mirror and found a slow moving "bug". I guess the oil did something but I was grossed out by it. I put more Olive Oil in my hair, wrapped it with Glad Wrap and then took out my blow dryer to heat my head up. I don't know if it did any good because after that DH ran up to the store for some Lice treatment.

He was so sweet, he did my hair for me. I didn't like the thought of using a pesticide on my head but the thought of bugs in my hair was worse. It was funny the next day at work. I got two comments about how good my hair looked. I told my friend I should "do" hot oil treatments more often! Anyway, I think they're gone now. I'm going to have DH do another treatment on me this weekend just to be sure. I still don't know where they came from. The only two that go to school didn't have them. Maybe I got them from work, from a patient? Who knows.

Princess and the pea?

Princess has been doing very well for the past several weeks. The one thing she does, that I can't figure out, is her eating habits. For instance, I gave her fresh cut strawberries with her dinner the other night. She liked them and ate everything on her plate. A few days later I did the same thing but for breakfast, she refused to eat them. When I told her to eat, she stuck one in her mouth and would not chew it or swallow it. She even drank her juice with that piece of strawberry in there! The strawberry was still in there, when I took her to school, forty-five minutes later. Finally she swallowed it before the teacher got her out of the vehicle. She has done the same thing with chicken, beans, broccoli and carrots. One day she likes them and the other she acts like we are trying to poison her. I say that because DH was reading about Autism one day and he said that their sense of smell and taste is very strong that sometimes it's too much. Maybe hers changes from day to day.

Well, she was almost potty trained a year ago but went backwards for several months. We had to start reminding her to go to the potty and most of the time her response was crying and running to the bathroom. Once she was in there and on the potty, she would be fine. Starting in March she stopped the crying but we still have to reminder. She wears big girl panties during the day and pull ups at night. She hasn't had an accident for quite some time and has woke up dry for the past four days. She has even went in on her own a couple times over the past week.

Little Prince has been doing well the past couple days with not having an accident in his big boy pants. I think it might have changed when I asked him if he was peeing in his pant because he saw Sugar Ray do it. He told me "yes" which surprised me but he hasn't had an accident since. He has, however, continued to do things that Sugar gets in trouble for. My mother told me to ignore it but how can I give him the impression that it's OK for him to do it and not Sugar. I know he's doing it to get attention but I give him a lot of attention anyway. It was funny last night, when I got home, both him and Sugar came running to the door - mommy, mommy, mommy. It feels good but on the other hand I feel bad they don't do that to DH. I sometimes wonder if I should tell Sugar to call me by my name instead of mommy. I don't mind if he calls me mommy if it makes him feel safer. Sugar and LP do a lot of things together and I know they are learning good things from each other too.

DH ordered that program to teach your babies to read. Both LP and Sugar watch it twice a day. After the DVD, we do the word cards with LP. There are ten cards and yesterday LP got every word right without any hints. We only started the program less than three weeks ago. We are so proud of him. I bet he will be able to read by the end of the year.

Is the Stress too much?

I don't like to write about negative things but I think the stress is finally getting to me. It's not just one thing, it's everything together. Each child has contributed to my stress in the last few weeks. The children are not really to blame, it's really the way I deal with the situations that come up. We will start with the littlest person in our home.

Flower is the baby that doesn't sleep through the night. I can probably tell what you're thinking - get up and put a pacifier in? Oh no, she doesn't take a pacifier she either wants to be held or she wants a bottle. We make sure she has a full belly at bedtime but she still wakes up every 3 to 4 hours and stays up for about 20 minutes to a half hour. So it's not just disturbed sleep, it's get up, stay up until you're wide awake then try to go back to sleep so you can work in the morning. The only thing she responds to is patting her bucket harder than she should like it. I'm really wondering if she was a drug baby. I know some of the drugs babies, that I've come in contact with, like more physical stimulation when trying to calming down. If you pat her bucket she usually goes back to sleep. At least she can't get out of her bed like Sugar Ray does.

Sugar Ray stays asleep but he has a heck of a time getting to sleep. I bet I had to go upstairs five times last night to put him back in his bed. I've tried to be comforting but kneeling down by his bed and rubbing his back until I thought he was asleep but it never fails - as soon as I get back downstairs he's back, at his gated doorway, crying. I have also tried getting upset with him and that doesn't work either. It wasn't any better when he was sharing a room with Ike. We had to move Sugar Ray to a room of his own because of what we found out at Ike's school meeting.

Earlier in the week Ike had another bad day at school so I decided to meet with his teacher for about five minutes to let Ike see that I talk to his teacher and his teacher talks to me. His teacher, Ms. Sped and I have been using a communication book so I know exactly what is happening at school. We made a deal with Ike that if he is a good boy at school he will receive a quarter when he gets home. Well, earlier in the week Ms Sped wrote down things that Ike was doing and it wasn't good. Ike starting yelling at her that I was going to see it and that Ms Sped doesn't ever write anything good. She tried to explain that what goes into the book is only things he does and he can control what he does. The therapist called DH at home to ask for a meeting in the near future but when I called her back I couldn't get a hold of her. So anyway, I wanted to meet with him and the teacher together so he knew we were on the same page. By the time I got to school the asst. vice principle and the therapist were also involved. We met for about a half hour without Ike in the room and brain stormed to get ideas to help him with his anger problem. By the way, we have not seen any anger issues at home. I also found out some things we were unaware of like this has been going on longer than just this school year. The therapist also told me that he had bad anger issues at his mothers home too. He actually tried to kill his little sister. Keep in mind Ike is only six years old.

When I got home, I told DH what I had learned and we decided immediately to move Sugar to another room. If Ike was to get upset with Sugar for not going to sleep he could try the same thing with him as he did with his sister. If he did that we wouldn't have a clue until morning. Scary stuff. We also called Linda at the agency to let them know that maybe this is more than we can handle.

Linda was totally unaware of the past actions of Ike and she actually thought he should be in a household without other children. We are not going to do anything drastic yet but he will receive counseling/therapy starting next week. I really hope we can solve his anger issues. I'm thinking between not getting a good nights sleep and the stress of his actions at school it's really getting to me and DH.

Princess's teacher told DH today that she thinks that the stress of these kids is too much for me. I'm wondering if I look that bad? He told me she has noticed that I look run down. It could also be that when I thought I was going to only have a five minutes meeting with Ike's teacher that turned into a half hour meeting, I forgot to pick up Princess from school. I was a half hour late and boy did I feel like a bad mom. How could I forget my own daughter? Then to top it off I forgot their parental visit the next day! They still made it to their visit but they were a hour late. I'm sure I will hear a comment from the anti-foster parent woman but if I were her I wouldn't bother.

Speaking of visits, we started the visits with Flower's other parent at the county facility. DH stayed with her though the visit and it went well. The parent held her the whole time. DH told me there is a good bound there. So far, the other kids are not included in that visit.

Little Prince is being a normal three year old brother. He copies everything Sugar does, good and bad. Sugar will do something that I will then tell him not to do and LP will turn right around and do it himself. LP has also had accidents in his big boy underwear for the last three days. I think that happened because he sees Sugar do it in his diaper. I'm hoping that Sugar will copy LP and be interested in potty training soon. Boy, he can make a diaper stink!

Princess still has to be reminded to go potty but she is doing better. She really has been a very good girl. She's doing well in school. She can trace her name and write two of the letters without tracing. We are so proud of her. She can dress herself but sometimes she puts her shirt on backwards and her shoes on the wrong feet but she has come along way. She laughs a lot and is very happy most of the time.

All in all, I guess it's not so bad. We just have to adjust to having five young kids in the house.